Why to read the small letters...

On every product you buy, there are small letters. Should pay more attention...

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For example, look at the ingredientes of barbecue sauce. No one never stops to read them. And the thing is that there is an ingredient called "smoke aroma". What kind of ingredient is this?

"Little John, please, go to the fire down the road and get me some smoke aroma because it has finished and I want to prepare dinner!".

When the cooks are making the sauce, how do they know if it is burning or not? "Doesn`t it smells like burned?" "No, it was me that opened the smoke aroma!".

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The condoms say in small letters "to conserve in a cool and dry place". Well, for what we want them for... Neither one nor the other.

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Spanish brand of cookies La Mallorquina, manufactured since 1916... With ingredients such as: flour, eggs, butter, emulsifier E461, dextrose, zorbital and potassium sulfate.

Just imagine this cooking-monk from 1916 saying "Sister Ornupeta, please don`t put too much dextrose nor zorbital because then the chaplain will go crazy-excited and we`ll have to give him Diazpam."

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Talking about Diazpam. It shouldn`t have so many secondary effect. Because if a tranquilizer have such an enormous list of contraindications... It won`t tranquilize nothing at all.

For starting, Diazpam may cause "sudden anxiety". In case you didn`t have enough already. "hallucinations, excitation and sleeping disorders"... "problems of balance when walking (fallen)"... "yellowish aspect of the skin and the eyes". The thing is: you really won`t care. You`ll be under the pills effect.

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The number one of secondary effects will have to be the contraceptive pill. You have a never ending list of them. And they`re not small things. No, you may take with you in that small box breast cancer, thrombosis, etc, etc, etc.

Shooting your knee would have less secondary effects.

To equal us, men would have to triturate the testicules.

2nd thought

... Corruption is a word spelled in several languages.

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During so many years I didn`t even know the word corruption.

Then, I got to know the word, but I had no idea of the meaning. It was just one more word. And I didn`t want to know what it meant, because it seemed so hard to write!

Then, I understood the concept, but didn`t know about no one who practiced it (I hadn`t visited the Zoo yet).

Later on my extensive life, someone at the TV explained to me, personally, face to face, that lots of portuguese politics and business-men were corrupt.

I thought (for the first time I thought): "Bad portuguese powerfull people. Hope my father isn`t corrupt. Because they talk all the time about corrupt people on the TV. That way all my friends will know my father is a corrupt. Oh, no, he can`t be. He`s not powerfull" (first reasoning of mine).

Then, during years, more and more people, coming from all around the world, entered my living-room and spoke to me. I realised that corruption was not an exclusive portuguese word. And I also realised that I was fucking important, because foreign journalists were coming to talk to me.

One afternoon I went to the Zoo. There I had the biggest disappointment of my life. I`ll share it with you, my dear friends: the zebras are corrupt. I`m sorry for ruining the nice image you had from zebras. They even bribe the director of the Zoo to have more leaves than the deer. And I also discovered that the zebras are not portuguese. They speak another language. They are abble to bribe the director in another language! He must be really smart to speak so many languages. But he`s not smart enough not to be bribed by a zebra. They`re donkey cousins for God sake!

Here in Andaluzia, more specifically in Marbella, they have The Distinct College of Corruption. At the DCC you can graduate only if you`re really good. But you may be sure that if you trust them your son`s future, it will be brilliant. As a matter of fact, to enter in Marbella, you have to pass the border by showing your DCC graduating card. It assures that you`re a certificated corrupt, enabled to corrupt all over the world.

So I say. Corruption can be such a beautiful word. It joins people all over the world, without considering race, religion, nationality, political or sexual orientation... And most of all, corruption it`s a beautiful word, because it made me think for the first and last time of my life.

1st thought

... Sex before marriage is such a positive thing.

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Therefore, should be approved by all religions and Parents (those are your gods if you`re under 18 - the most severe and powerfull of all gods).

Don`t share this thought of mine with your five legitimate kids. They should not do it for now. With your two bastard children, you may share whatever you want. Who cares. They don`t live with you, and you`ll keep them forever in the basement of the number 13th, on the Hell of the Bastards street. So, probably, they`ll never get to meet someone to have sex with.

Sunday thoughts

Usual sunday. Bad weather and nothing to do. Want to go out, but everybody`s sleeping. Prisoners of their own living-rooms. Stucked on magnet sofas. Rolled on extremely ugly robes, taking a nap, in front of the TV. Since is sunday, no mood to study either. So, I surrender to the mass behaviour.

Since I`ve nothing else to do, I start thinking (thing I am not used to do). I believe it is a dangerous activity. Specially when you don`t have a life insurance. Who will support your five legitimate kids, the two illegitimate, your wife to the eyes of God and the other one that only exists to your eyes. And don`t forget your mother-in-law. She would keep telling you, until eternity, about how you shouldn`t have thought so much (after an entire life telling you every second that you weren`t smart enough).

When I think, I do not come up with smart things. Because like everything in life, to do it really well, you need practice. But I`m trying, with such an effort. Jeopardizing my fragile existence. So, please, support me in this.

I think...

...that...

to sleep vs.to wake up

You meet a girl and want to take her into your bed. Better saying, into a bed.

Don`t tell her "I want to sleep with you...". No, that`s so rude. Show a bit more of sensibility and imagination.

Better to say "I want to wake up with you...". It will sound much more poetical and the meaning is exactly the same.

You may always add beautiful things such as "...I want to wake up with you in the morning, with the sound of sweet birds and the soft touch of a sun ray in our skin. Then, open my eyes and look to your gentle, perfect face...bla, bla, bla...".

Of course, in the current times, the girl may simply say to you "Fuck off! You wanna do me or not?!".

An eye for an eye... (A tooth for a tooth)!

An eye for an eye...

Ok, my friend, let the class begin!

This is a principle of retributive justice. It consists in prescribe to the transgressor a punishment equal to the crime he commited.

That principle is still applied for some extreme western Europe people, as far as I know...

The thing is that they do not know how to use it properly.

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So, this is a helping guide, to help those who feel like they have to use it, but aren`t getting the point of how to do it well:

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1 - If it is about retributive justice, it means that only makes sense to aplly it with someone who harmed you. ok? not difficult to understand, no?

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2 - It makes even less sense when you aplly it to someone who followed your suffering path. what do you think? that everybody is like monkeys? imitating what other has done?

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3 - More. Can become cruel when you take an eye out of someone that has already been taken one! don`t forget that most of normal, healthy mind people live by the rule: don`t do to the others ...

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4 - According to Mahatma Ghandi, "An eye for an eye, will make the whole world blind." and Guigui is my friend. don`t forget I use to talk with him at the bar, about smart things. so, please, respect him.

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So, my friend, to help you in such a difficult task, I also leave you with several advices, since I don`t know what religion or belief do you embrace:

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If you`re a Christian - Even though it may be hard to do in practice, pretend that you forgive those who wrong you, rather than seek retribution for a wrong.

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If you`re Taoist - Simply accept the infraction and take the least "resistive" action to correct it, if any action need to be taken at all. but you don`t have to offer the other face either! this is also called th "move on" religion.

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If you`re a jew - You go to the one who harmed you, and make it pay for it- literarly.

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If you`re a Buddist - Have to be careful with karma: one can take retributive action, but that retributive action is not without its consequences, and living on a finite planet guarantees that the suffering incurred by a retributive action will return to the individual who was wronged. so, boomerang effect! it will slap you again in the face.

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If you`re more into filosofical rules of fallacy - Two wrongs make a right.

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I go now, and leave you with these deep thoughts... Only possible to come from someone who`s a Mahatma Guigui friend. He teaches me everything during our drinking dawns, sitting at the terrace. He. Wearing nothing but his tinny diaper. Yes. He loses one or other drop of piss when we laugh.

The End of The World

Back in Spain.

Well, after such a long, long time in Portugal, much more than I thought it would be, I`m again at the end of the world. No, no, no, I`m not saying this in a bad way, no. I believe that the End of The World is the best place on Earth to concentrate on your studies.

As a matter of fact, I arrived saying to everyone:

- "Hello! I`m back!...

- Yes, it was great, everything`s ok...

- Oh, with energy to parties?...

- No, no, no, I come with full batteries to study..."

...If I could put here an expressive face, like we do at the amazing msn, I would put a nauseated one... I became a nerd or what?! Ok, I might be really thinking that way... I am (ashamed face) but I do not need to say it to the world!... To the End of The World!...

The truth is that at the E.T.W., there is much more party then at The Center of The World (you know where it is, no need to explain it). It`s true! Party and drinking all the time, for any reason.

- What?! You farted?! Lets party!.... So, tapas at 21h, then boteillon at my place, we`ll fart a lot and then bar, ok? GUYS!!! THE FART`S PARTY THIS EVENING! Oh! Don`t forget to bring your gas mask.

The next big party that is approaching here at the ETW, the same way that at the CTW, is the Carnival. But of course, this week, they are already preparing parties to decide what to do at the Carnival!

So... Why do I say that this is the best place on Earth to concentrate on studies?